urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos Lucia Lucia 2006-02-13T15:07:31Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:4183 2006-02-13T15:07:31Z 2006-02-13T15:07:31Z <object width="400" height="326"> <param name="movie" value="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?videoUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fvp.video.google.com%2Fvideodownload%3Fversion%3D0%26secureurl%3DlAAAANO4GH63soF35yVRlHYBW8Sde2mq6yrLXX3QGnmD7JZiqAjBGHWMBoMiNOe7Gbhs5RCSjH-Y_tfONVaOTodDheIV58QQ0tNAz77hmlALCt5X6KatVpXHI5aSsuFRO5xLKA9XZDQgzf9ArYuBC17kHH0OotsPkiyx4ZBnknPq1J669GiUI8TAkTgVNnUmzqSgSuP2et04V_eSR4wjvI_YJGw%26sigh%3DNB7fjqycejSWyZsFOmCc-mLuIBc%26begin%3D0%26len%3D279920%26docid%3D4295303472537464531&amp;thumbnailUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.google.com%2FThumbnailServer%3Fcontentid%3D758addb8c68900d1%26second%3D5%26itag%3Dw320%26urlcreated%3D1139842984%26sigh%3DVPs0YJYz0cWWZ1HNFsupHkmdUFg&amp;playerId=4295303472537464531&amp;playerMode=embedded"></param> <embed src="http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?videoUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fvp.video.google.com%2Fvideodownload%3Fversion%3D0%26secureurl%3DlAAAANO4GH63soF35yVRlHYBW8Sde2mq6yrLXX3QGnmD7JZiqAjBGHWMBoMiNOe7Gbhs5RCSjH-Y_tfONVaOTodDheIV58QQ0tNAz77hmlALCt5X6KatVpXHI5aSsuFRO5xLKA9XZDQgzf9ArYuBC17kHH0OotsPkiyx4ZBnknPq1J669GiUI8TAkTgVNnUmzqSgSuP2et04V_eSR4wjvI_YJGw%26sigh%3DNB7fjqycejSWyZsFOmCc-mLuIBc%26begin%3D0%26len%3D279920%26docid%3D4295303472537464531&amp;thumbnailUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.google.com%2FThumbnailServer%3Fcontentid%3D758addb8c68900d1%26second%3D5%26itag%3Dw320%26urlcreated%3D1139842984%26sigh%3DVPs0YJYz0cWWZ1HNFsupHkmdUFg&amp;playerId=4295303472537464531&amp;playerMode=embedded" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="326" allowScriptAccess="never"></embed> </object> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:3585 2003-04-16T04:43:11Z 2003-04-16T04:43:11Z Okay, so I didn't have enough room on the subject to end with the quotation mark. Whatever!<br /><br />Procrastinating with Alana's questionaire's again - or are they Andy's questionaires? Who is Andy???<br /><br />1. What was the first band you saw in concert? Ohhhhh man. If you don't count any elementary schools or anything, I DEFINITELY saw Five and Ace of Base live when I was a junior in high school. Oh, man, that was one of the best nights of my life. I still want to make out with J Brown - but only if he cuts his damn hair.<br /><br />2. Who is your favorite artist/band now? Wow, well, I've kind of gotten into Kevin So ever since he came here on Sunday (and gave me his free cd! *swoon), but I've also developed an affinty for Michelle Branch and I'm on a Corrs kick as of now, but only on the album "Talk On Corners" on which I only have the Special Edition of (ergh!).<br /><br />3. What's your favorite song? Of all-time? I keep going back to the regulars - like deleting the mp3 only to go back and downloading them again. I would say "Back For Good" by Take That, "Feel" by Robbie Williams, "A Little Respect" by Erasure, "Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow, "Nobody Knows" by Tony Rich Project, "Intimacy" (the corrs or meja)...right now, I've had an urge to sing along to "Little Wing" by the Corrs, so that's what I'm doing. <br /><br />4. If you could play any instrument, what would it be? oooh guitar or violin. I don't have piano down, but that's relative to guitar, isn't it? (don't answer that, I really don't care as to I don't have time to learn)<br /><br />5. If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why? I would love to meet Five (meet, make out with, have sex with, it's all the same...), maaaaaaybe Westlife (they have awful fashion taste), Lena Horne, Sophie Ellis-Bextor (because she's SO original!), or the Corrs, maybe even Luther Vandross cause he's cool like that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:3486 2003-04-11T05:14:19Z 2003-04-11T05:14:19Z Well, I'm a bit miffed! Alana (and I SOO know you're reading this) went to the Dome for tonight's celebration and didn't even drop by to say hi to me! I feel neglected by the Alana and CJ love.<br /><br />TO digress, as usual, I really have nothing to say except let this semester be OVER. I may be missing out on checking out snackbar employees and graduating seniors (they know who they are) but I'm ready for a break. A long, drawn-out break.<br /><br />ON a positive note....I've got my slam back! After watching the documentary "Sa-I-Gu," about the L.A. Riots from the perspective of Korean American women, I was really upset and I just started spouting in my head and now, BAM. I lost some good stuff though, cause I wasn't fast enough in writing it down. DAMMIT.<br /><br />I think my head's going to explode. Who wants to write cover letters for me?<br /><br />Did I have anything insightful to say? Huh Maybe. I want to fill out a survey, so I'm going to steal it from Alana's live journal (BLAH! Actually, I wanted that to come out as HA but it came out BLAH so...BLAH!).<br /><br />10 current favorite songs<br />10. "A Dose of You" Kristine Sa<br />9. "All You Wanted" Michelle Brance<br />8. "It Takes More" Ms. Dynamite<br />7. "Love Doesn't Have to Hurt" Atomic Kitten<br />6. "Music Gets The Best Of Me" Sophie Ellis-Bextor<br />5. "Just Another Dream" Kristine Sa<br />4. "Show Me Love" Yaki-Da<br />3. "Very Special" Debra Laws<br />2. "Love At First Sight" Kylie Minogue<br />1. "A Song For You," Donny Hathaway10 current favorite songs<br />10. "Overjoyed," Mary J Blige<br />9. "Send One Your Love," Brian McKnight<br />8. "How It's Gonna Be," Lovher<br />7. "Blowin Me Up (With Her Love)," JC Chasez<br />6. "The Beauty of the Rain," Dar Williams<br />5. "Beautiful," Snoop Dogg<br />4. "Honest Questions," Daniel Bedingfield<br />3. "Blown It Again," Daniel Bedingfield<br />2. "Why Don't We Fall In Love," Amerie<br />1. "We're Dancing" Nobody's Angel<br /><br />9 all-time favorite movies<br />9. Sense and Sensibility<br />8. Sleepless in Seattle<br />7. You've Got Mail<br />6. Pride and Prejudice<br />5. Schindler's List<br />4. Centerstage<br />3. All About Ah-Long<br />2. Hoosiers<br />1. My Cousin Vinny<br /><br />8 all-time favorite TV shows<br />8. Cosby Show<br />7. Buffy The Vampire Slayer<br />6. New York Undercover<br />5. Friends<br />4. Poltergeist: The Legacy<br />3. Gilmore Girls<br />2. Good Eats with Alton Brown<br />1. A Different World<br /><br />7 current favorite CDs<br />7. "The Sign" Ace of Base<br />6. "Read My Lips" Sophie Ellis-Bextor<br />5. NOW 49<br />4. "Five" Five (European Version)<br />3. "Westlife" Westlife (European Version)<br />2. "In Blue" The Corrs (Australian Version)<br />1. "Robyn Is Here" Robyn<br /><br />6 favorite places to visit<br />6. San Francisco<br />5. Montreal<br />4. Las Vegas<br />3. The Village (IT COUNTS!)<br />2. New Orleans<br />1. Yellowstone<br /><br />5 boys that rock your socks (Heeeey, now!)<br />5. Orange Hat guy at the snack bar!<br />4. Hot karaoke Asian guy!<br />3. Jason Brown of Five!<br />2. I'll put Fong. :)<br />1. Kian Egan of Westlife!<br /><br />5 girls that rock your socks (HEY, now...)<br />5. Eliana<br />4. Alana<br />3. Dora!<br />2. Suzie Lee<br />1. Rachel Aminah<br /><br />4 things you absolutely can't live without<br />4. mobile phone<br />3. music<br />2. computer<br />1. money (to get things like food and stuff...MORE SUPERCARD MONEY!)<br /><br />3 favorite beverages<br />3. White mocha at Starbucks<br />2. Mango stuff I had a restaurant once<br />1. BOBA TEA<br /><br />2 all-time favorite books<br />2. Tea that Burns by Bruce Edward Hall<br />1. Harry Potter (any one)<br /><br />1 item you never leave home without<br />1. Mobile<br /><br />Wow...that seemed really long. But none of them were in any particular order! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:3214 2003-03-28T16:07:39Z 2003-03-28T16:07:39Z PHWOAR. This last weekend, I went to my cousin Man Yu's wedding. Since she probably won't be reading this, I'm going to go all out and disseminate the sucker because...well...it sucked.<br /><br />Suck factor #1: "I know you're stressed, but..."<br />Grandma couldn't go to the church ceremony and she sort of had a stroke dealie a couple days before. Did Man Yu call her? Nope.<br /><br />Suck factor #2: "When I was a little girl, I had a raptor..."<br />The music selection was a little lacking...Well, not lacking, just kind of strange. First, the bridal party was late to the church because of the war protest, so they played a Celine Dion compilation, which was part of their recessional. Second, the bridesmaids walked down the aisle to "Dreams" by the Cranberries, which is such a fast song, they were practically running down the aisle. Third, the groom walked down the aisle to an oldies song called "The Boy From New York," and it seemed like the Bulls coming onto the court during the NBA finals. Fourth - the hymn, "Our God Is An Awesome God" goes on FOREVER.<br /><br />Suck factor #3: "Nuh-uh, you do NOT have to submit!"<br />The vows, for people who aren't relgious (meaning my family), were "do you promise to subjmit to David as Christ submits to the church?" Then there was the "I promise to put God first, and you second." Okay, for the non-religious people...WE DO NOT HAVE TO SUBMIT!<br /><br />Suck factor #4: Clueless<br />No one told us that the reception was going to be important. No one told us that the wedding cake was going to be cut at the reception, the first dance was going to be at the reception, there was going to be a dance floor at the reception, etc. We thought it was just going to be sandwhiches, so we left. Hey, there's a ten-course banquet four hours after the church ceremony! You have to start starving yourself the day before, and if it's just sandwiches, it's really not worth it!!<br /><br />Suck factor #5: "Oh, hey.... ... ... ..."<br />Once again, the bridal party was late to the banquet and were just like "eh" to people they weren't close to. Hey, if that, again, means Grandma, then I guess it's ... okay? Huh.<br /><br />Suck factor #6: "Oh, hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"<br />We were stuck at the miscellaneous table. Come on, really now. First cousins stuck at the miscellaneous table? Not only were we sitting with the photographer who wouldn't eat ANYTHING that she didn't know or recognize, there was a bridesmaid that sat at the table who, when she talked, looked as if she was going to vomit. Everytime she said something, I honestly thought she was going to spew. Later, in the car, when we heard that she went to Cornell, my sister said, "Well, that's not saying much for Cornell." Enough said about the pseudo-vomiting bridesmaid.<br /><br />Suck factor #7: "Oh, damn..."<br />My dress decided that it would get tighter through the night. Okay, that's a lie, it's just that I ate food and the dress kept getting tighter and tighter. It wasn't that bad, but I couldn't go all out on the banquet food. Oh, well.<br /><br />Now we're going to switch it up...and add plus factors. Like, making fun of their bridal registry; making fun of the groom walking down the aisle; making comments that were just downright funny to my cousins; threatening to do a booty dance in front of everybody. It was all good. Well, the plus factors were.<br /><br />Anyways.....IS THAT LOGN ENOUGH FOR YOU ALANA?????? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:2982 2003-03-28T15:45:04Z 2003-03-28T15:45:04Z Here's a list of songs I've thought of for Olivia (my cousin) and Paul's wedding. This is just prelimary, but they've already shot down some songs that I've wrote done! Keep in mind that I also have a dance list and a "eh" list.<br /><br />"Saving All My Love For You" Whitney Houston<br />"I Have Nothing" Whitney Houston<br />"I'll Be There" Escape Club<br />"I'll Be There" Mariah Carey<br />"Moments" Westlife<br />"Unchained Melody" Righteous Brothers<br />"Runaway" The Corrs<br />"YMCA" The Village People<br />"Always" Bon Jovi<br />"Always" Atlantic Starr<br />"Cherish" Madonna<br />"Eternal Flame" Bangles<br />"She's the One" Robbie Williams<br />"Vision of Love" Mariah Carey<br />"More Than Words" Extreme<br />"I'll Stand By You" The Pretenders<br />"Stand By Me" (??)<br />"My Way" Sinatra<br />"Stormy Weather" Lena Horne<br />"Wo Ai Nee" Teresa Teng<br />"Wishes" Sally Yip<br />"I Love You More Each Day" Jackie Cheung<br />"A Billion Nights" George Lam<br />"No Goodbyes (I Want It That Way Remix)" Backstreet <br />"Cowboy Take Me Away" Dixie Chicks<br />"Landslide" Fleetwood Mac<br />"By Your Side" Sade<br />"No Ordinary Love" Sade<br />"Smooth Operator" Sade<br />"I.O.U." Victoria Beckham<br />"How Deep Is Your Love" BeeGees<br />"Half the Man" Jamiroqui<br />"I'm Crazy For You" Madonna<br />"More Than A Woman" BeeGees<br />"I Could Fall In Love" Selena<br />"Dreaming of You" Selena<br />"The Way You Look Tonight" (big band version)<br />"Unforgettable" Natalie Cole<br />"You're All I Need To Get By" Marvin Gaye and Tammi<br />Terrell<br />"If You're Gone" Matchbox 20<br />"Stay" Lisa Loeb<br />"I'd Rather" Luther Vandross<br />"I Knew I Loved You" Savage Garden<br />"Bridge Over Troubled Water" Simon and Garfunkel<br />"Soud of Silence" Simon and Garfunkel<br />"We've Only Just Begun" The Carpenters<br />"I Hope You Dance" Leeann Womack<br />"There You'll Be" Faith Hill<br />"Sweetest Thing" U2<br />"I Turn To You" Christina Aguilera<br />"Just the Way You Are" Billy Joel<br />"When You Say Nothing At All" Alison Krauss<br />"You Needed Me" Boyzone<br />"From This Moment" Shania Twain<br />"All My Life" K-Ci and Jo-Jo<br />"Kissing You" Des'ree<br />"Can't Help Falling In Love" Elvis<br />"After All" Peter Cetera and Cher<br />"The Rose" Bette Midler<br />"My Best Friend" Tim McGraw<br />"I Finally Found Someone" Barbara Streisand<br />"Tonight I Celebrate My Love" Peabo Bryson and Roberta<br />Flack<br />"I Don't Know Much" Aaron Neville<br />"I'll Make Love to you" Boyz II Men<br />"All My Life" Aaron Neville<br />"When I Fall In Love" Celine Dion and Clive...Davis?<br />"Say You, Say Me" Lionel Richie<br />"Sailing" 'N Sync<br />"New York State of Mind" Billy Joel<br />"Fallin" Alicia Keys<br />"Got to Extremes" Billy Joel<br />"Your Song" Elton John<br />"I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues" Elton John<br />featuring Mary J. Blige<br />"Something about the way you look tonight" Elton John<br />"Please Forgive Me" David Gray<br />"Let's Make A Night to remember" Bryan Adams<br />"Have you Ever really loved a woman" Bryan Adams<br />"Do I have to say the words?" Bryan Adams<br />"Con Te Partiro" Andrea Bocelli<br />"Have I told you lately?" Rod Stewart<br />"Reason to Believe" Rod Stewart<br />"Forever Young" <br />"Can't Help Lovin Dat Man" Lena Horne<br />"How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You"<br />"The Tracks of my Tears"<br />"You are the sunshin of my life"<br />"I Love the Way you Love me" boyzone<br />"The way you do (the things you do)"<br />"everything she does is magic" the police<br />"What the world needs now" burt bacharach<br />"there's always something there to remind me"<br />"Can't smile w/o you" barry manilow<br />"I write the songs" manilow<br />"Always on my mind" manilow<br />"Love Of My Life" Erykah Badu<br />"Come Close" Common feat. Mary J. Blige<br />"Can't Get Enough of Your Love" Barry White<br />"ABC" Jackson 5<br />"Midnight Train to Georgia"<br />"Fernando" (?? random one)<br />"Always Have, Always Will" ace of base<br />"what a girl wants" christina aguilera<br />"Escape" enrique iglesias urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:2605 2003-02-18T07:08:41Z 2003-02-18T07:08:41Z I wrote that last poem, thinking about a certain person that many people know that I'm interested in, it's just the matter of him being interested in me. And, recently, I've been on this kick of "why don't guys like me?" because I haven't had the best luck as of late with objects of my affection. Here's one about that:<br /><br />You tell me what I am but you never say the words<br />You describe me as I am and this is all I've heard<br />Strong<br />Intelligent<br />Crazy<br />Individual<br />Original<br />Creative<br />Should I be elated?<br />There are times when I just want to hear the words<br />There are times when I need to hear the unheard<br />What is that makes me unattractive<br />Why is it always you not me when you know it's me so I've had it<br />It's tragic<br />Cold-blasted<br />Boombastic<br />No more antics<br />Just this tangent<br />Hear me rant it.<br /><br />The ending is a little weak, but I plan on workshopping so it'll get stronger. I also wanted to display another poem that I just finished up tonight, inspired by the famous muse Tyler Blanchard of Sadler Three. He didn't do anything to inspire this necessarily, he was just shocked at the words that could come out of my mouth with little or no shame at all. :) LOVE YOU TYLER!<br /><br />Jibber-Jabber<br />Tongue up this verbal ladder<br />Make a wish and wish it better<br />I talk about the way you give<br />I talk about the way you live<br />I talk about what you think<br />I talk about how you sink<br />Down, down, down, down to there<br />But do you really go anywhere?<br />You can hear me talk of sexual revolution<br />You can hear me talk of sexual evolution<br />Self-realization<br />Self-'my-body-is-my-nation'<br />What I say is not what I do<br />What comes out is not what goes in<br />What I say is not an invitation to you<br />What comes in is all my decision<br />Not yours<br />I may disappoint you with my words<br />I may excite you with my verbs<br />Orgasm<br />Penetration<br />69<br />or a "wham, bam, thank YOU, ma'am."<br />I like to talk to the talk<br />But I don't care to walk the walk<br />Too much harm<br />Too much care<br />Too much pseudo-"I'll take you there."<br />Too much baggage<br />Too much time<br />Too much "I'll never break your heart" slime<br />I'm speaking from my mind<br />You'll know when it's from the heart<br />Though it's totally all jive<br />I know it's a part...of me that will never die<br />This is MY oral sex.<br /><br /><br /><br />This is all for now.<br /><br />Current guilty pleasure: Michelle Branch<br />Current non-guilty pleasure: singing along to Michelle Branch<br />Current mood: sullen<br />Current song: "Feel" Robbie Williams<br /><br />Lyrics:<br />"Come on hold my hand/I want to contact the living/not sure I understand/this role I've been given/I sit and talk to god/but he just laughs at my plans/my head speaks a language/I don't understand/I just want to feel real love/feel the home that I live in/cause I've got to much life/running through my veins/going to waste/I don't want to die/but I ain't keen on living either/before I fall in love/I'm preparing to leave her/scare myself to death/that's why I keep on running/before I've arrived/I can see myself coming/I just want to feel real love/feel the home that I live in/cause I've got too much life/running through my veins/going to waste/I need to feel real love and a love ever after/I cannot get enough/there's a hole in my soul/you can see it in my face/it's a real big place/come on hold my hand/I want to contact the living/not sure I understand/this role I've been given..." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:2432 2003-02-18T06:59:11Z 2003-02-18T06:59:11Z Thanks to Alana, I'm doing some quality procrastination.<br /><br />Five songs that make you happy:<br />"Satisfied" Five<br />"C'mon People (We're Making It Now)" Richard Ashcroft<br />"Out of Your Mind" Victoria Beckham feat. Dane Bowers<br />"Fristil" Petter Feat. Robyn<br />"A Little Respect" Erasure<br /><br />Five songs that make you cry:<br />"What Can I Do" The Corrs<br />"I Could Not Ask For More" Edwin McCain<br />"Hurt Before" The Corrs<br />"Human" Five<br />"If You're Gone" Matchbox 20<br /><br />Five songs that remind you of love:<br />"Say What You Want" Texas<br />"November Rain" Guns N Roses<br />"Please Forgive Me" Bryan Adams<br />"You Sang To Me" Marc Anthony<br />"Nothing Compares 2 U" Sinead O'Connor<br /><br />Five songs that remind you of you:<br />"Just Another Girlfriend" Robyn<br />"Love At First Sight" Kylie Minogue<br />"Spinning Around" Kylie Minogue<br />"Strong Enough" Sheryl Crow<br />"I Dream" Billie Piper<br /><br />Five songs for dancing:<br />"The Universe Is You" Sophie Ellis-Bextor<br />"In Your Eyes" Kylie Minogue<br />"Don't Stop Movin'" S Club 7<br />"Do You Really Like It?" DJ Pied Piper and The Masters of Ceremonies<br />"U Remind Me" Usher<br /><br />Five songs to be played at your wedding:<br />"Stay" Lisa Loeb<br />"I Knew I Loved You" Savage Garden<br />"I Love The Way You Love Me" Boyzone<br />"By Chance" Sophie Ellis-Bextor<br />"Here With Me" Dido<br /><br />Five songs to sing along with:<br />"I Know Him So Well" Steps<br />"Long Gone" Robyn<br />"Always Be My Baby" Mariah Carey<br />"Feels So Good" Mel B<br />"Never Give Up On The Good Times" Spice Girls<br /><br />Five songs that make you sentimental:<br />"On Bended Knee" Boyz II Men<br />"I Love You More Each Day" Jackie Cheung<br />"Wishes" Sally Yip<br />"I Want You To Want Me" Solid HarmoniE<br />"Sunshine On A Rainy Day" Emma Bunton<br /><br /><br />Poetry Corner (Entries now will consist mostly of poetry to document and display)<br />I may have wondered with my heart<br />And I may have felt with my mind<br />But I've always asked, "Where's my Prince Charming?"<br />To help me leave my past behind<br />I've always hoped for more<br />I've always wished for the ultimate<br />But now I'm left with nothing<br />Except the wistful looks of it<br />The characteristics may vary<br />The experience may differ<br />But if he really knows my heart<br />Then he won't leave me bitter<br />There's so much to be had<br />So much I want to give<br />But I really can't be sad<br />Because I still have my life to live. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:2167 2002-12-03T15:55:01Z 2002-12-03T15:55:01Z I had a dream the other night and it wasn't the saucy sort (at least not one where I was actively involved), and it was of Damon Pampolina, formerly of the now defunct pop group The Party and the Mickey Mouse Club. Okay, he was really naked. His back was to me, and someone came up to me, possibly his bandmate Tiffany Hale, and said, "Doesn't he have a nice ass?"<br /><br />It WAS a really nice ass. (Reminiscent of a Renaissance painting ass.) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:1905 2002-11-20T06:41:31Z 2002-11-20T06:41:31Z Ooooooooh, man. It's been more than a year since I've even gotten the slightest inkling of motivation to write this and now I'm psyched. (So much for sleep.) I stayed up almost all night last night (one hour!) and wrote two papers in the span of twenty-four hours with only that nap, a shower, and some bonding time between the latest Entertainment Weekly and myself. You wanna know what's new? Well, so far, being an RA is fun, Intro to MAG was great, MAG 518 (writing reviews) is even more fun, and What's-his-face in California is still doing what he's doing. Actually, he's a lot more social in some ways now, but not to the point where he can be declared dateable. There are other dateable guys here anyway...Like...You know. :)<br /><br />Anyway, let's hit it up: Co-Editor of A-line, Female RA on Sadler Six, Magazine major, ETS minor (finally declared), song of the moment: "Foolish" by Ashanti. Let's just say right now, I'm building a fanfic in my head (as usual), and Kian Egan of Westlife is who the main character is being foolish about; seriously, though, I feel Ashanti. Especially when she goes, "So all of my ladies, feel me, come on sing with me/see when I get the strength to leave you/always tell me that you need me/and I'm weak 'cause I believe you/and I'm mad because I love you/so I stop and think that maybe/you could learn to 'preciate me/but the things remain the same/that you ain't never gonna change/never gonna change." It reminds me of that one fanfic I wrote that was completely in letter format - that was like...not that great. :-P<br /><br />I'm on a total music kick, though I had to friggin delete my Kazaa today. I'll update my subprofile with the stuff, it'll rock out.<br /><br />I'm really tired. I should go to bed. Here's a toss-out quote to chew on.<br /><br />"If you looked in my eyes/would you see what's inside/would you even care?" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:1686 2001-08-22T06:40:50Z 2001-08-22T06:40:50Z Excited, but a little nervous to be returning to school this weekend. I have no idea what this year will hold but I hope it's good things. (Maybe a thing or two at Telefund...IF you get my drift. :)) <br /><br />Anyhoot, California is speaking out to me - everything's so goddamn peaceful here. There really is a laid-back atmosphere that I just soak into. There's not much to do, though - I'm pretty much with my parents or just stuck in one place because of the transportation. My parents are a bunch of party animals; I can see where I sort of get it. <br /><br />I wish I kind of could have a freedom here, but it's hard; it's not like when I was living at Columbia. I had complete freedom there, the only constraint was money. Now, here, I want to do things that I don't have a chance to do on the East coast because...Well, I don't know when I'm coming back. (My mom's friend is convinced the next time I'm coming back, I'm bringing a boyfriend. Riiiiight...)<br /><br />By the way, did I mention her son is hot? Well, hot wouldn't really be the word for it...Well...Yeah, it is accurate, but I think the description that would fit him even better was mysterious. He's pretty quiet, keeps to himself. The kid (and I use that as a pronoun for everyone my age and below) rarely comes out from behind his closed door and, if he does, rarely says anything. Although repeatedly, he has only said one phrase to me: "See ya." And I do appreciate that, because it's probably more than most people will ever get. But I'm not here to make fun of him. I'm not even MAKING fun of him. I'm just trying to convey what I observe. That he's hot.<br /><br />What IS it with those shy boys? I can't tell if this kid is shy, but there are a lot of shy, attractive ones out there (YOU know who I'm talking about.). Anne says, and I quote, "Shy boys are either axe murderes or terrific boyfriends." Fifty-fifty really isn't bad. But then again, she did exclude rapists...<br /><br />I kind of want to start off a conversation with this guy - but it's hard. I can't look him in the face (as so many of you know what my problem is already) and I can't find anything to talk about. That's the problem with mute guys - NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. I figure if I can get him alone somewhere, I can kind of try and delve and pry. I guess that's me being a sleazy journalist.<br /><br />And that's another thing - I don't feel right going into his room to start a conversation with him. That's HIS turf, where he's in his element. It's like that dream where you're in front of the classroom, giving a presentation, and then you find out that your naked. Everything is exposed, you're alone and utterly self-conscious. Neutral turf is DEFINTELY called for, but the kid never leaves his room (except to work or to get something to eat - the bathroom is right across the hall, therefore never really constitutes the leaving of the room) and I can't find the exact words to speak when he does. (Can we call this a you-know-who situation? YEEEEES...Maybe we can.)<br /><br />I should really stop talking about him - can't afford to keep my mind where it shouldn't be when thousands of dollars are on the line (talking about tuition). I'm a bit nervous over my Intro to Mag course - my ADVISOR is teaching it and he's the head of the entire friggin' MAG dept. ("What the hey??") I hope my head doesn't explode this year. Might be messy.<br /><br />Dude, that Usher song, "U Remind Me" is totally sticking in my head and making me groove. Plus, him dancing, not HIM, is incredibly sexy. The guy is like a dance machine. Aside from Janet Jackson, I really don't know who else can move like that. (Don't let me hear a boy band member's name on any lips - y'all know that Usher can kick ass and that Janet can't be touched when it comes to her dancing. Not even by 'N Sync or Madonna.)<br /><br />Once I get to school, get some cash in, I am SO getting NOW 49. I'm actually excited about it. How sad am I???? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:1386 2001-08-20T04:25:33Z 2001-08-20T04:25:33Z It happened. I was afraid I was a bitch-in-training but now it's different. I AM a bitch. Well, I'm also damn proud of it because I'm not a bitch in the literal sense of the word. (Meaning female dog because, come on, society has evolved so that words could have deeper meanings.) <br /><br />I don't suppose being a bitch means massive insecurity and paranoia (which could also mean that I'm slightly redundant) but in my case, I'm including those things because, well, I am those things.<br /><br />Seriously, I don't know what's up with me. One moment, I'm with it, another moment I'm totally not. (Basically me asking myself, "What's the up?" every so often and getting pissed off. You might be able to picture it.) I realize that I am a more complicated person than I myself know and that I will never completely figure myself out, but it always helps to try.<br /><br />I feel like a hen, I brood so much. I get pissed when I brood, too, because I usually don't brood for any particular reason. I just let myself get upset for nothing at all or about nothing at all and it never makes sense to me - I don't know why I do it, but it's totally irrational. It's not PMS...It MAY be Post-Menstrual-Syndrome (A VERY real syndrome in my case.) but I haven't any clue.<br /><br />There have been a few instances of me being waaay oversensitive, from the time I started to bawl for no apparant reason, causing my father a good amount of fear and confusion. There are MANY times when I've been sullen, sulky and overall silent and upset. I just don't know why and I wish I did. <br /><br />I came to the conclusion that when I do get upset and I try to rationalize it with psychology, I just get more upset because it doesn't solve the problem. The problem still exists and that problem is me. But it's all right, it's okay. I can deal. It's part of life that I deal. I just wish right now that it didn't hit me so hard because I feel a need to overcompensate in front of strangers, family friends, etc. <br /><br />So now, I don't rationalize, I just try and shake it off. Because, if there's absolutely no good reason to be upset, why should I be? Why should I get irked at the little things? So I can end up on the Dr. Phil's psychological dissection table (AKA Oprah)? And you can be sure that if this involves other people, it'll be on Jerry Springer instead.<br /><br />Anyway, that can't be resolved tonight - maybe in ten years. Five got #1 today with Let's Dance, a capital song. I love it. Does anyone like their song Battlestar? I love it. I'm thugging it out for awhile but I haven't any idea why. GO THUG LIFE!<br /><br />BTW - A little upset because I found out that Robbie Williams was in Vegas while I was there and I didn't even spot him. I just came back and found about it. Also, Atomic Kitten's going to be in LA, the week AFTER I was there. AAAARRGGHHH!!! The frustration of not being able to be one of the few Americans to recognize them over here!!! AAAARGGH!!! I need someone to strangle!!! (See what I mean by this whole irrationality thing???) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:1069 2001-08-19T04:10:08Z 2001-08-19T04:10:08Z Shoutin' out from sunny, hot California. Spent two nights in the city of vice (Las Vegas - thought I was going to say LA, weren't ya??) and some time at the Grand Canyon (They should really put guardrails!) and the Hoover Dam (Don't ask me why, I didn't pick that spot.) Vegas was hot, weather-wise, but I don't think it's my city. Too many people who are just milling around and not enough people who just live there. But then again, who WOULD just live there on the strip? It'd be kind of hard.<br /><br />So, after two days of buffets and being told to scram in casinos, we (Meaning two friends of my parents and my parents - also meaning that I spent a whole lot of time in a rental car with lewd, middle-aged couples.) headed towards LA. Not much to see there, went to Mann's Chinese Theater, just chilled. My dad's not into the whole amusement park thing so we didn't go to Disneyland, but I did watch some feisty rounds of mah-jong (Ah, gambling Chinese families are so much fun. Especially when the stakes are high and they have no morals - but that's only in the movies that talk about Triads.)<br /><br />Y'ever get the feeling that you're seeing something in the making? Twice, maybe more, I've seen instances where I've immediately said, "Bitch in training." I guess my fast instincts, judgemental nature, extreme self-bitchiness and PMS (By that I mean Post-Menstrual Syndrome.) kind of lead me to that conclusion, but it did hit me. I hope nobody thought of me like that when I was little.<br /><br />This place is a total trip and a half. I've never seen so many cute Asian boys before (And that kid who hit himself with glowsticks tied to shoelaces does count as cute, but definitely dumb. Just picture in your mind. It's hilarious, I swear.) and I'm convinced my mother is trying to marry off all her daughters. She's also badgering her friend's son, claiming that she really wants a son, which I take to mean that she wants a son-IN-LAW. Whatever - my sisters will probably get married before I do. But then again, they're more career-oriented. I'm the party animal (ha ha) so I'll probably get married and divorced a whole bunch of times before anything comes of my life. Elizabeth Taylor, here I come!!<br /><br />You ever get this impression that a guy likes you but all you want him to do is back off? God. Maybe it's just me being insanely over-confidant, but I do get that once in awhile. (Did you think I was going to say all the time? Nah. I'm not over-confidant. By the way, if anyone knows an Israeli pianist who has his own recording company, tell him I said hello.) I can't tell them to get lost - I feel really bad if I do that. But god, BACK THE HELL OFF. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:816 2001-08-04T04:57:54Z 2001-08-04T04:57:54Z God help me. The dream I had the other night? There was a continuance. Only, this time, it wasn't nearly as nice or epiphany-tic. How bad was it? I'm definitely sharing this for sympathy.<br /><br />I don't remember much of it because it happened a few days ago and I repressed it, but as I was watching my LaunchCast (SyanneLevovna's station!) I suddenly remembered what happened. HE TURNED INTO BLOODY RODNEY DANGERFIELD!!! What the hell's with that??<br /><br />Rodney friggin' Dangerfield. Is my karma that bad? I'm going to try to stop dreaming. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:712 2001-07-31T18:10:35Z 2001-07-31T18:10:35Z I don't know if this'll be a weekly thing or not - we'll see what kind of mood strikes when...Well, when I'm in a mood. Basically, I had fresh inspiration for this entry so I think I'll start here.<br /><br />I had the most incredible dream the last night - well, kind of this morning as I woke up and went back to sleep because no one would feed the poor cat. (Why does early morning incidents always pick on me??) It was just...idealistic romance, I guess you would call it. (Though I'm almost absolutely sure it doesn't exist.) I'm trying to rationalize and find an explanation for it, but one may not exist - who knows? <br /><br />Okay, the dream: it starts by having my friend Laura and I entering my grandmother's apartment, apparantly after class or school or something. We enter, but our eyes immediately goes to the far left corner of the room where Kelsey (Not her real name - I'm not stupid.) was sitting. She looks up and smiles at us, greets us and Laura and I sit down in folding chairs with our backs facing the room and our faces aimed towards the front door. I don't remember seeing him when I entered the room but when I sat down, I knew he was right behind me. I tried to ignore him and he kept trying to make me take notice of him. He put his arms on the back of my chair; I rocked the chair back and forth in a silent gesture to make him get off the back of my chair. He proceeded then to tip the chair back and kiss me on the forehead; I continued to ignore him. Then he tipped my chair all the way back and kissed me. That was it. Suddenly, I got up and walked over to my mother (who magically materialized out of nowhere) and started to talk to her, but I could feel his eyes on me. He asked if we could talk and I told him that I needed to take care of my grandmother and he asked again, so we went into my grandmother's bedroom. (Yeah, I know, messed up dream.) I guess you can say we snuggled and I was about to tell him why I was so aloof when my father (thanks, dad) pokes his head in and tells me to go and help my grandmother. I groan and we both head outside and at the point, my father gives me a cheesy, nostalgic smile (which he doesn't really do) and tells me to go out and have fun. Both of us run out and we end up, oddly, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and we start swinging on these bars that are above us. While we're swinging, we start talking, and I tell him everything that I'd thought about him and what I thought about him now. By the time we're done, we race each other down the main steps but there are people blocking me. (Damn tourists.) By the time I'm out, I see him talking with a middle-aged man and his friend Kelsey. It's suddenly night and we continue to joke with his father and Kelsey. His father makes a joke about his wife and he (the hot guy), turns to me and says, "We're going to have to get you one of those signs. One that says, 'Dad loves Mom, Mom loves Dwayne (another fake name that I've given the hot guy) and Dwayne loves you." Basically, that left me speechless. Then, lights start going off and there's music everywhere and the outside of the Metropolitan has suddenly been rented by Dwayne's family and is now a family reunion. Dwayne sweeps me up in his arms and says, "Let's go, (Insert some weird Japanese name. I really don't remember what it was. Something that was like "Stickio" which isn't remotely Japanese, but sounds it.)." We start dancing and discover that his family has made a circle around one of his aunts who was REALLY getting down. (It was really scary, she had on this Easter-type outfit that was pastel-y and everything.) He looks at me...And then my mother starts poking me and saying, "Wake up! I made coffee! Smell it? Smell it?"<br /><br />Never in my life have I resented my mother more than I had in that one moment. <br /><br />Why this dream? Why Dwayne? He's long gone, I'll probably never see him again in my life. And thank god for that, it wasn't as if I hadn't embarrassed myself enough in front of him. But, honestly, I'm not in love/heat/lust with him. I can't be. I don't know him, I haven't seen him in a long time and I we've never really had a conversation.<br /><br />I think this really stems with a delusion that there's a perfect man out there and he'll come and sweep me off my feet. All the guys who are reading this will say, "What? There is really such thing as the perfect guy! Besides, there is only so much you can do for a girl." All the girls are probably saying, "SO goddamn true."<br /><br />Come on, how many guys out there are willing to trip over themselves and make life that wonderful? Probably a lot, but I haven't met any yet. <br /><br />Rationality: I believe I have such a hard time with guys is that I see, I imagine, I don't want to be disappointed. Who does? I'm picturing this wonderful romance with flowers, talking, soul searching and the falling of one into another. Nora Roberts, keep on writing those stories because I probably won't ever get to live them. I think in such idealistic terms, I'll probably never get what I want...But it's nice to think about. <br /><br />So, if you're that hot guy I know, that I'm thinking about, that I'm picturing marriage with, you better act first. Because I am not going to do it, not under any circumstances. Oh, and I like orchids and lilies. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:novuskaos:376 2001-07-23T21:48:37Z 2001-07-23T21:48:37Z This is the first journal entry in my journal and I guess I don't have much to talk about - except that I actually do. There are things in my head, heart and soul that are dying to come out but I just can't form them into words; they're just intangible feelings and emotions that float in a freeform existance.<br /><br />I had the most wondrous sleep today. I don't think I've ever slept that well or ever will again. There were times when I've slept and I woke up, completely helpless and I can't move; those experiences were extraordinarily scary and I do not wish to repeat them. However, I've had nice sleep when I've slept through a storm, without any incidence and I've also have sleep where the dreams were exceptionally nice (YOU know the kind...). But this sleep was different; I was in deep, far deeper than I've ever been before. There were dreams where I've woken up and I've felt myself moving and operating as I usually did, but that turned out to be a dream. This sleep had layers; I was able to pull myself through several dreams, pull myself into another and another and another until I ultimately woke up. I can somehow control my dreams into what I want to happen and what I want to see; unfortuneately, there are some things I can't censor or request. (IE - the scary mugger dream and the fact that I can never dream about that certain guy...)